Part 1: Repurposed
September of 2011 was a big month for me. I moved away from home, started my first semester of college at the University of Michigan, and successfully did my own laundry without dying my whites, pink. I was making big decisions. What would I major in? What clubs would I join? Would I accept that dinner invitation from the random guy in my history class?
At U of M, the first month of school also meant making the decision to “rush” a sorority. In my case, it was a no-brainer. My parents were in the Greek system and still strongly affiliated with their prospective chapters. I had seen the persisting friendships that their membership had created. However, they stressed that if Greek life wasn’t for me, there was no pressure to join.
It was a whirlwind two weeks, filing through thirteen charming houses and having brief conversations with dozens of girls. Within minutes of walking into a sorority, it was clear to me if I fit in. That’s not stereotyping; it’s just that easy. Some chapters were homogenous in their appearance or clothing. For others, it was obvious as to where they were raised. Regardless, there was a uniformity that was blatantly apparent from the first “welcome.”
Ultimately, I found several houses that I genuinely enjoyed visiting. The girls were sincere, down-to-earth, and intelligent. I was thrilled to receive a “bid,” or offer to join, from my top choice.
As a new member of my chapter, I attended weekly meetings to learn the history and tradition of the house and began to meet my pledge class. But most often, I associated with those girls at the parties. Like almost all sororities on campus, we had at least three parties planned each week with various fraternities. This was heavenly. I received my social schedule on Wednesday and never had to worry about where to have fun on the weekends. It was a sense of belonging that was visible to all. I was with them.
So, let me try to map this party out:
Dance floor, bar, beer pong table, bathroom with no toilet paper. Simple enough floor plan. We girls flood in like the gates to Disneyland just opened and head straight for the bar. After a few shots, we make a mixed drink far too strong, take a few pictures, and raise our cups on the way to the dance floor screaming our latest favorite song, but not before grabbing some mildly attractive, glazed over guy who hopes he can take you upstairs by the end of the night. We dance and dance and dance.
Occasionally, a guy and girl will make small-talk against a wall, yelling into each other’s ears to fight the blaring beats of Avicii. Someone spills a drink. Another camera flash goes off. A bowl is being passed around in the corner. A girl is led up the stairs, cup in hand.
After a few months, the weekends became indistinguishable from the last ones, the only change being the name of the frat and the theme of the party. Tight-n-bright. Western. Game day. Mardi Gras. 70s. 80s. 90s. Nautical. America. Flannel. You name it and I probably have an entire photo album of me wearing it looking sweaty and dazed, kissing the cheek of a sorority sister who probably doesn’t know the name of my hometown and hiding a red solo cup full of cheap vodka and diet soda behind my back.
And yet, every weekend, I came back for more. I found I liked partying and justified my actions with the phrase “Well, it’s college.” I tried not to question the culture that was sweeping me faster than a tidal wave, even though I had my doubts. I was bonding with new people in the foreign environment of college. In class, I was independent and focused on my grades. At parties, I was making friends and meeting guys.
But eventually, I figured out that partying every weekend was like the concept of diminishing marginal utility they kept telling me about in my economics class: the first weekend gave you the greatest joy, the second slightly less, and the twentieth barely any at all. Four months into the fraternity roller-coaster, I got off the ride and decided to not get back in line as often. The drunkenness, the boys, and the string of late nights no one remembered were simply an affront to the woman I was trying to become in college. I was definitely having fun, but I was unfulfilled.
One year later, I’m still trying to figure out what went wrong. Why did I take a step back from the Greek community, and why was I not the only one? I am still a member of my sorority. I lived in the house and have attended date parties, volunteered, and attended sisterhood events. But I haven’t gone back to the frat parties, and I’ve distanced myself from my chapter on the whole.
There are a couple of obvious, potential answers that need to be ruled out. Firstly, it was not the alcohol. Was there a lot of alcohol involved? Yes. Was there binge-drinking? Yes. (If you haven’t seen the 1978 movie Animal House with John Belushi, it’s a lot like that. It’s a very entertaining movie if you haven’t gotten the chance to see it.) In my experience and from speaking with friends who are attending universities across the country of all calibers, the heavy drinking is universal. It is not a characteristic of the Greek system. Although, it is arguably a contributing factor to the disillusionment I found, and something that should be addressed by the Greek community for the health and well-being of members.
Secondly, it was not the group of girls as individuals. While my sorority sisters are not my closest group of friends on campus, I have developed meaningful relationships with many of them. They are kind, immensely talented, hardworking, creative, involved, smart, and fun to be around. They are pursuing a diverse set of majors and have incredible aspirations. I would never fault them for the change in my experience.
Instead, I’d like to focus on the Greek system itself, not the members who comprise it or the alcohol that is involved. If the Greek system is a machine, the members are its input. The inputs aren’t at fault here. In my opinion, the machine is.
The machine was built hundreds of years ago. Since then, the course of the nation’s history has worn it down. Parts went missing. Parts were damaged. Parts were replaced. The machine that exists today is not the machine that was invented two centuries prior. It is also very different from descriptions of Greek Life from several decades ago. My parents described their Greek experience in some ways that mirrored my own, but many other accounts were foreign.
The original Greek system consisted of only a handful of fraternities and sororities. Those organizations were places where men and women could study together and grow in friendship. They were rooted in tradition and secrecy.
At its core, this is still the essence of the Greek community. Friendship, community service, and networking are important pillars of Greek life that attract thousands of college students to dozens of chapters. However, the current Greek system is doing more than promoting those pillars. How has the Greek system changed over the course of time, even in the past few decades?
In my opinion, it is a problem of dissociation from oneself. Unique individuals join a chapter of other individuals with whom they identify and like. Together, they take part in the tradition of a larger institution. This creates the “sense of belonging” that is so powerful and important in the transition to college. However, in this process, that group becomes lumped together so that anyone outside of it, other Greek houses and non-Greeks alike, assign distinct attributes and expectations to anyone in that group.
Members enter as individuals, but become part of a culture that has well-established stereotypes, customs, and assumptions. The members aren’t part of creating that culture. Their choices immediately reflect the fact that they’re in it.
When I joined my sorority, the fraternity parties were the most prominent and frequent source of interaction with my new sisters. In that environment, nearly all sense of individuality is erased. We dress and act virtually identically. Conversations and interactions with each other and the guys are kept superficial in a cloud of expectation. As a member of that group, you are no longer maintaining your own uniqueness because the presentation and reputation of a larger body depends on you. There is a dissociation from self identity.
Because of this, I found a lack of respect from the fraternity men and for myself. They didn’t treat me as an individual, so in that environment, I didn’t either. I was playing a part in accordance with the role of my sorority on campus and the social pressures of the modern world. The drinking and the hook-ups can easily be linked to this dissociation. The regret of the previous night’s behavior that is often expressed in the morning is happening outside of the performance of the party and the Greek system. Additionally, I’ve heard countless people, Greeks and non-Greeks, express that they’d rather attend a house party or go the bars on the weekend instead of a fraternity party. In those settings, the individual self is better maintained. Societal pressures and gender norms will still affect this atmosphere, but people no longer need to alter their behavior on behalf of a greater organization. There are less expectations and a far higher likelihood for genuine interaction.
In the first four months of my freshman year, I probably attended over a dozen parties at one specific fraternity. But to this day, I can only name five of those guys. This is a terrible model for male and female friendship. The Greek system has a huge potential to nurture meaningful, co-ed relationships. However, interactions between sororities and fraternities are largely limited to events that include alcohol and partying. Those gatherings involve the sorority presenting itself in dress and behavior to impress the fraternity. Members of my sorority repeatedly posted messages on social media encouraging the chapter to attend parties and “look hot.” It is assumed that with enough successful interactions, the reputation of the sorority can rise in the “hierarchy” of the Greek system. There is immense pressure among sororities and fraternities to be in the “top tier.” But the criteria to belong in this elite group are not about the strength of individuals. It isn’t about volunteer service, networking, or even the depth of friendships. That status is achieved through appearance (sex-appeal) and the ability to party: good attendance, sociability, etc.
For me, an interesting comparison became my participation in University athletics. I joined a co-ed, club sports team that trained and competed against schools all across the Midwest. Our dress and appearance at tournaments (usually uniforms) is even more homogenous than that of my sisters at fraternity parties. My teammates also drink and party together. Yet, I have never felt more like myself and accepted as an individual within a group. Just like the Greek system, I am identifying with an organization, a team. However, that entity is unconstrained from expectation and movement within a hierarchy. I am part of actively creating the culture in which I choose to take part. In doing so, I maintain my individuality and treat myself with respect, as well as receive it from others. My contribution also immediately impacts the success of the group. I am an equal to my male teammates, not another girl in Greek letters. I am not maintaining a performance for those guys or my female teammates.
Certainly, not all members of the Greek system will experience the same degree of dissociation from the self. Also, not all chapters will fall victim to this broken system. Men and women find brotherly and sisterly bonds that last a lifetime despite a system that is flawed. And fraternities and sororities do an incredible amount of philanthropic good for our world with members contributing their time and talents. Greeks go on to become Senators, CEOs, doctors, and Presidents. I have seen my own sisters take on great amounts of responsibility and leadership for our chapter. The work they do is important and valuable to their personal growth.
This is not a condemnation of Greek life. This is a critical look at how the machine is not performing at its most efficient capacity. In my opinion, parts of the machine are broken. Too much time is being spent on the maintenance of an image that the group can project to other Greeks and the college community. The loss of individual self in some aspects of the Greek community, specifically the abundant fraternity parties, allows the acceptance of negative relationships between men and women and the continuation of a high school hierarchy.
If and how the Greek system will respond to this problem is yet to be seen. The issue of dissociation from self is difficult to recognize while it’s happening, and unfortunately, probably even harder to stop. Undoubtedly, today’s societal norms presented in the media make this goal even more difficult to attain and have likely contributed to the alteration of Greek culture over decades. College students have enough challenges and pressures to face in their four years of undergrad. I hope to see the Greek system create a better culture for its members that involves respect, individuality, and healthy relationships, especially between men and women.
In my case, my sorority existed over one hundred years before me, it exists presently, and it will exist long after I am gone. I can’t change how the Greek system will impact its members, but I can share what I have found to be true in my experience. College is a vital time of self-discovery and metamorphosis. In these four years, it’s imperative to keep a firm hold of oneself as an individual, even in the midst of finding that crucial sense of belonging.